We have an outbreak of bullying and intimidation.

It’s rampant.  At least that’s how it looks on social media.

Business grinds to a halt over one accusation.

Alleged oppressors are guilty until proven innocent. Due process means nothing.

We see it everywhere. Everyone feels intimidated about something. Once it takes hold, false claims of intimidation create a toxic culture of victimhood that becomes a bigger problem than the claims themselves.

It has  seeped into medicine and is causing a mess.

True intimidation is serious business. It implies concern for one’s safety or wellbeing. Leaders must take immediate action to investigate and resolve any claim of intimidation.

Lectures and papers on bullying and intimidation fill conferences in every industry. But amid all that’s written and discussed, few people ask, Can we go too far?

Intimidation Defined

Intimidation is the action of intimidating or the state of being intimidated.

Intimidate means:

to make timid or fearful: frighten; especially:  to compel or deter by or as if by threats, e.g., “…tried to intimidate a witness…” (Merriam-Webster)

to frighten or threaten someone, usually in order to persuade them to do something that you want them to do;

They were intimidated into accepting a pay cut by the threat of losing their jobs. (Cambridge)

to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc. (Dictionary.com)

Canadian Criminal Law provides a long definition. Case law explains that any

“…cause of action in intimidation must be supported by the alleged facts that….a person threatened to commit an act…[and] the threat caused the threatened person to do or refrain from doing something…”

“The tort of intimidation does not arise where the defendant followed a course of action that he or she believed to be lawful.”

The Canadian Safety Council, the Ontario government and the Workplace Bullying Institute explain bullying and intimidation at length.

911 for Intimidation

Serious problems demand action. Intimidation and harassment lawsuits spawn legislation, workplace manuals and codes of conduct.

Intimidation is real, and we must not take it lightly.

If you’ve been accused, apologize, fast. You don’t have to agree with the accusation, but apologize for any unintended harm you may have caused.

Contact your supervisor or a colleague. We all say and do things that could be misconstrued. We are all capable of intimidation. Stop everything and resolve the issue.

The same approach applies when you hear about intimidation between your staff members. Drop everything. Get the facts. Resolve the issue.

But sometimes, our response to real threats causes overreaction.

A toxic reaction to a toxic action still leaves a toxic situation.

Overreaction grows in the space between the common and legal definitions of intimidation. The legal definition creates visions of lawsuits and job loss. When people shout accusations of intimidation, everyone takes cover from the legal smoke.

Intimidation vs. Straight Talk

Intimidation is a serious crime. We should confront people who use intimidation to cow others to silence.

But false accusations of intimidation are a form of intimidation too. They compel us to take action under threat of a complaint or lawsuit.

To be a victim of intimidation, you must be a target. You cannot be a true victim unless you are an actual target.

If an action was not directed at you, personally, you cannot claim to be a victim. Simply taking offence at general performance standards does not make you a victim. Taking offence at a lecture or presentation does not qualify as intimidation.

Trigger warnings and safe spaces, while popular in universities, do not build peak performance in organizations that have to do real business.

If we want to excel, we need other people to tell us the truth, even if it triggers an unpleasant reaction.

Especially in politics, we should expect strong words. Politics removes many of the formalities of polite conversation. If you say something ignorant, expect someone to call you out.

Even if you say something wise and factual, others will still attack you for taking a stand that offends their ideology.

This does not excuse profanity or personal threats. But politics does require thick skin.

Claims of Intimidation

What about workers who feel “overawed or cowed as through the force of personality or superior wealth, talent, etc.”?

If someone feels frightened, does that mean they were intimidated?

It depends. Who frightened them? What were they threatened into doing? What action did their perpetrator threaten to take?

“….Bullying and harassment are often in the eyes of the beholder…” (Is your boss just tough or a bully?)

Psychologists tell us that people raised in a sheltered environment of continual reward for performance tend to bring an increased sense of entitlement to the workplace, increasing the risk for claims of intimidation.

False Victims?

Although we should never consider this as a first response, managers need to keep victimhood and false claims in the back of their mind.

False claims of intimidation and bullying have become big issues in the workplace. Managers worry that unfavourable performance reviews will spark claims of harassment, intimidation or bullying. The same thing happens for those of us who teach residents and medical students.

Playing the victim is a common tactic:

“The victim stance is a powerful one—the victim believes he or she is always morally right, is not responsible or accountable for their actions, and is entitled to sympathy from others.”

“The desire to be identified as a victim creates a sense of entitlement and a motive to devalue anyone who does not offer special recognition and validation of victim status or compensation for it.”

The Guardian tries to plumb the space between straight talk and bullying:

“Yet there is a danger in confusing bullying with straight talking. To assume that the latter is always the former could make us incapable of looking our colleagues in the eye for fear of unbalancing their delicate constitutions.”

Dealing with False Claims

How to we sort real victims from false ones?

Many times we cannot. We face messy stories filled with hazy facts.

Timid junior staff probably feel intimidated by everyone, without ever reporting it. We can assume they worry about losing their job, no matter what colleagues say to them. We should probably go overboard to make sure they feel secure, safe and valued before we provide performance feedback.

But what about seasoned staff or those with experience and connections? Clearly, staff, colleagues or students who are vocal activists, have friends in the media and connections in the regulatory colleges cannot claim intimidation without solid evidence.

If we suspect someone might be playing the victim, we should deal with their claim the same as any other. We stop, listen, and then take immediate action.

Dr Hankel PhD. suggests that, especially in the case of someone with a victim mentality, we need to

“Listen to their problems – once. Let them get it all out and externalize what just happened to them.”

“Then, when they’re ready, turn their attention towards solutions.”

“Let them externalize once, then cut them off.” We need a “…zero tolerance policy for self pity”.

Avoid emotional blackmail. “They will hold your guilt, your kindness, your time….ransom until  you give them what they want.”

Move Forward

No doubt, some people might find a blog about intimidation intimidating.

Intimidation is serious and should be dealt with immediately. But rehashing past sins burns through hours of meetings and creates a toxic culture.

Many activists have figured out how to use accusations of intimidation to get their way. When everyone claims intimidation for every little thing, it dilutes the true claims and harms the real victims.

Most of us are too scared to question anyone who claims that they’ve been intimidated. We fear being attacked ourselves. But if we don’t ask questions, we condone the behaviour, which creates more of the same.

Who will have the courage to say, Stop!?